While we emerged victorious as a stronger happier married couple, with now a second baby on the way, we still have our moments. We are riddled with anxiety on the additional responsibilities that come with a growing family, the financial worries, the preparations that need to be made, and our careers.
I have been taking on increasing responsibilities at work and loving it! It has required me to bring a bit of work home every now and again. He kisses me goodnight while I stay up late writing briefs or reading transcripts or preparing for court. Occasionally, I will rise early, (so so so rare because I HATE mornings) and he will find my side of the bed empty. He will find a pot of coffee half-gone and me savagely typing or hovering over piles of case law.
Meanwhile, he has taken on more territory in his job and more adjusters. He puts in many more long nights or early mornings than I have. Yet, here we are faced with a new baby set to arrive in late October.
We are preparing the new nursery. We are still baby proofing from our first child. We are trying to figure out possible child care options. Interviewing and touring countless places and attempting to budget all our expenses, all while October looms closer and closer. I am starting to get birth-anxiety. My due date is technically early November, but since I had a c-section with my son, a repeat c-section is thus far the safest option. Things could change, but I will most likely have a scheduled c-section. My son was ten days early, (Check out my son’s birth story, if you haven’t already by the way), and there is this overwhelming fear that this baby will grace us with her presence early. My husband travels in October, we have friends getting married in late October, and I fear this child will appear at the most inopportune time.
I also have the fear “what if something happens to me.” Which opens up a whole giant can of worms that no one likes talking about or thinking about. Lord knows my husband despises those conversations. (If someone is particularly interested in discussing this, by all means let me know, and I will let you jump down and travel into that dark rabbit hole with me). All of these moments of “weakness” or moments of “anxiety” take a toll on a marriage. In this pregnancy, my husband and I have had a few disagreements, we have had a few blow ups too, and I have cried many tears (over fights, over spilt milk, over sappy commercials, or from simply laughing too hard.) This time we have the tools to help us emerge from the darkness more quickly. This time has been easier. (Ask me again come October!)
To sum up the series, it is important to remember:
If we ignored all the bad times and the rough patches, the truly wonderful moments would never appear so bright. If we didn’t have the tough spots or the bumps in the road, we could never evolve into better people; our growth individually and as couples would stagnate. More importantly, if we don’t share the struggles with each other, people begin to believe they are the only ones who struggle, that everyone else around them has a seamless perfect life.
We all fall into the darkness. We must help pull each other out of the dark and back into the light. Your flashlight is your ability to see the good while simultaneously growing from the bad.
Life of A Mama: Unfiltered 