I have said at least several times: Mommy-ing (and daddy-ing) is hard. It is also so so SO scary. I mean, let’s be honest, kids are down-right scary. The super tiny slobbery ones, the ones that spit up like the girl from the exorcist all the time, ones that cry and scream unless mom or dad or grandma is holding them constantly and rocking a certain way, ones that just stare at you because you are stranger. I am a mom and I love kids, but when you haven’t had much exposure to babies, it is easy to be intimidated and freak out. Even when you are a kid-pro, watching another’s kids can still freak you out.
When my son was born, I had only held a few other babies: my niece who was nearly a year old the first time I held her, my best friend’s twins (Around 3 months of age), and the occasional baby in the church nursery when I would help out (pretty sure my mother in law sensed my inexperience and managed to squeeze me into the rotation). I had only changed a handful of diapers. Only soothed a few cries. My husband probably had less experience than me. So when I had our son and they placed that baby in my arms, yes, I felt overwhelming love and joy. I was witnessing a living, breathing miracle and I was thanking the Lord above for granting me the privilege to raise this baby. But I was also scared and so unprepared despite the numerous books and articles I had read, despite the months of baby proofing, despite the house being scrubbed top to bottom several times prior to little man’s arrival; despite practicing my diaper abilities and bottle making skills ad naseaum. I won’t like, I was scared shitless.
I will tell you…there is very little guidance from the hospital. They don’t hand you your brand new baby with an instruction manual. They make you watch a video and sign a waiver saying you won’t shake your kid and they check your car seat out before you leave. Maybe, if you are lucky, one of nurses will give you a quick tutorial in swaddling. Burping, feeding (unless perhaps you opt to breast feed with the help of a lactaten consultant) changing diapers, and normal baby hygiene is left for you to figure out on your own. The hospital will give you some diapers and some miscellaneous items, but then they send you on your way, out into the world, with a tiny human entirely dependent on you.
What do you do with a little, barely-awake-for-two-full-hours-a-day baby? What do they like? What can they see and hear? How do you know what they want when they cry? How many dirty diapers is normal? What color poop is normal? How much formula/feedings a day? How many different types of bottles should I try? What are necessary baby items? (I could go on for a decade reminiscing about the questions I had in my brain during this time). In fact, even though we just went through this with our son less than a year and half ago, my husband and I are still anxious since “every baby is different” and baby girl may not be anything like our son.
I spent some time writing about the different baby stages and the fears that were associated it with it. I think this is my mental way in preparing to do it all again. Perhaps it will be helpful in reminding others that every fear at this stage of parenthood is pretty normal.
The Newborn Stage:
My husband often says that the newborn stage is the hardest and the worst. In some ways, he is right. We get significant less sleep during the newborn stage than the older infant stage and the toddler stage. Baby wants fed every 3-4 hours sometimes less, so taking shifts to sleep and get up with baby definitely significantly impacts any sort of normal sleep/bed time routine for the adults as well as any night time extracurricular activities. As baby grew, the length of time in between feeds grew. By 16 weeks old, little man slept through the night pretty consistently (11PM-6AM). So we were one of the lucky ones. (The impending doom of lack of sleep with a new baby in the fall is definitely weighing heavy on us!)
But in some ways my hubby is wrong about the newborn stage. (Sorry, babe). Up until baby can crawl, baby is stationary. I didn’t have to worry that he was going to get into something he shouldn’t or if I left my coffee mug half full of hot coffee on the coffee table. He slept several times throughout the day (I could get so much more done!) and most cries were cured with a diaper and a bottle. He loved to snuggle and loved to fall asleep in someone’s arms. It was so simple; So monotonous and routine, but simple.
My biggest worries were whether or not to wake him up to feed him, how much formula to give him, how often to feed him, what size nipple on the bottle to use, and how often to burp him. It was scary because babies seem so fragile.
The Infant-Baby Stage
Once these babes start rolling over and crawling, life dramatically changes. You have to watch them like a hawk! Even though they move at turtle-pace, they still require a ton of supervision. You worry about them rolling over onto their bellies, but not being able to reposition their face. Then they start doing this at bed time and you wake up thirty more times just to check on your soundly sleeping baby to either flip them back over or more likely, to make sure they are still breathing. I will tell you there is NOTHING like full on panic at 2:30 AMw hen you nonchalantly roll over out of hubby’s arms to see your kid on his belly in his crib. Even when friends and your kid’s pediatrician tell you that it is okay for them to belly sleep, YOU will STILL FREAK OUT. (I admit it, I still freak out about it and my son is 17 months old)
You of course obsess over the immense amount of drool, wondering if you need to worry about teething. From teething necklaces to teething tablets, you will try them all. What works for some babies won’t work for yours. It’s a frustrating game of trial and error.
Once baby starts eating, meal time becomes super difficult. You have to try out foods for a few days before you know if they have a reaction. You will watch over them for any sign of redness, rash, swelling, rubbing their eyes, etc. I remember when we introduced peanut butter. While no one in our family has a peanut allergy, I was SO petrified to give him peanut butter. Luckily he is not allergic. Less surprising, Babies will hate certain foods. My son hated banana; actually he still doesn’t care for it unless someone else is eating it. When introducing foods and new textures, baby will cough or almost seem like they gag at first. Lord help me, it freaked me out every time and had me mentally reviewing infant cpr (thank God it has never been necessary).
During this staage Babies just start to react to certain people, crawl, sit up, stand, start to gravitate toward certain toys…. it is a super exciting phase. However, babies are still relatively slow and catchable. This is the stage where I found myself asking, what is he allowed to eat? How small do I cut up the food? What is a soft solid? Can I give teething biscuits? What about diaper rash creams? Do I need to use the bath sling in the tub now that he sits okay on his own?
Toddlerhood
Then when they reach toddlerhood, these babes will test your patience as you go through every major food group hoping they eat SOMETHING ANYTHING at every single meal.
Once baby walks, your whole world and everything you have come to know and understand is turned on its head. You can’t believe this tiny human can deploy go-go-gadget arms and reach onto your kitchen counters. Suddenly all sharp and breakable objects are pushed so far back into the depths of the counters that you can’t even reach them. You worry about everything. Plugs, lamps, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, the crib height, toys, food, EVERYTHING. You can hardly change a load of laundry over from the washer to the dryer without your child finding something he or she is not supposed to have! Not to mention, now you are chasing your toddler to change diapers, they are strong and can wiggle free, and when they climb on you, it hurts! They can open cabinets and doors. They climb EVERYTHING
But now baby can talk, point, laugh, run, climb, play. My husband (and I) adore this phase because it is so fun despite it being so much more hectic. Watching (and learning) what my son does and learns brings me so much joy. The sleep strikes and food strikes come in waves. You deal with the hitting, screaming, tantrum-throwing, teething, little devil in strides. You also relish in the sweet moments, when your little one will curl up in your lap after bath time for Sesame Street, or runs up to you and hugs you after work. Hearing my little man say “hi, mama” melts my heart.
All while I am constantly worried about him breaking something or eating something nasty or picking his nose. I am constantly worried about if he will keep his diaper on or play in its contents. I worry about him climbing out of his crib. I worry about him sleeping with a pillow. I still check on him once or twice a night if the monitor isn’t a clear picture.
Truth is, mommying is a scary… raising a child is so scary. I am scared and worried all the time…its just part of being a parent. (And thats only the first year-ish)
Life of A Mama: Unfiltered 