I suppose I could chalk it up to stress and anxiety, job changes, added responsibilities…. I could blame it on pregnancy hormones or the lack of any relaxation time. If I am honest I am not really sure what is to blame, all I know, is I feel on the verge of losing my mind.
Okay, not literally…I am not on the cusp of a mental/psychotic break. I just feel like all my emotions are at such a high level they are about to spill over like a tidal wave…a mixture of pissed, angry, resent, tiredness, sadness, happiness, joy, and everything and anything in between. I am trying my best to protect those closest to me from the aftermath of such a monsoon, but no matter what I try to do, the more I try to do, the worse off it seems. I am just not sure how to stop it…perhaps it’s inevitable.
Regardless, everything under the sun seems to be driving me into madness. From my adorable son and his obsession with yelling “Mommy” all day every day for no apparent reason to his insane temper tantrums that are also new, from my husband who wants to work constantly while I appreciate it sometimes I just need a break (which doesn’t include watching our son), from my family and friends making me realize I am just “too busy” as if I didn’t know this, I am losing my mind. On top of it all, I am busy with work prep, baby prep, house maintenance, baby appointments, my sons appointments, and other commitments…I just want to shut myself into my room for a week, with many bottles of wine, many trashy novels, and NETFLIX/HULU. Actually, I want a vacation. I want to lounge on a pool raft with a drink in my hand with a good book AND with no place to be other than dinner reservations.
I need a glass (or a bottle or two) of red wine. (only a few more weeks until I actually can drink a glass of wine…I would count down the seconds if I knew!)
I need sleep, but I am pregnant so there isn’t enough hours in the day for sleep that would make me feel rested.
I need some alone time…alone time that isn’t spent feeling guilty about being a bad mom for wanting…for needing alone time after working 8 hours a day.
The worst part is…I will be needing these things for a while, like for as long as I am a mom, which is well…forever. So how do I cope, how do I manage?
Here are some things I have found that help me:
- A routine of chores and tasks:
- Okay, seems to defeat the purpose of resting, but it lowers my stress levels when there isn’t an overflowing pile of laundry to do. Instead I try to do a load every other day. Otherwise the huge laundry pile stares at you like an annoying reminder that you are failing at life. (A bit melodramatic but seriously)
- Also seeing the check marks next to the finished tasks helps remind me I am a boss…a total badass…and somehow staying afloat. (Things all moms (and dads) need to remember!)
- Bath time
- My mom used to take an hour to herself. She would read some book in her bubble bath explicitly warning my brother and I that unless we were bleeding or dying, she was to remain undisturbed.
- I never understood it, but now… that hour of just bath time, tv time, and/or reading time… or just sitting in bed playing solitaire on my phone….is BLISS.
- Find a hobby
- I have a love for sewing. I am self-taught…but crafting and creating brings me so much joy! While I don’t get to do it every day, once a week is enough to let me feel refreshed.
- Take time for Family
- Yes, everything we do…all the work…its for our family. So its important to do something special with them…to enjoy each other, even if its as simple as eating popsicles on the back patio or going to the neighborhood park. It doesn’t have to be a production or cost money, it just has to be fun with no other distractions.
- GET SLEEP.
- Yes, its hard to nap when baby is napping because there is a lot to do. Sure, 8 PM is early and its hard to fall asleep.
- Well… instead, during nap I do one or two chores (toss a load of laundry in, or sweep the floor) and sit outside weather permitting baby monitor in hand.
- At bed time…I take my hour mom time, sit in bed, and eventually pass out from working mom exhaustion usually around 930. I don’t care that its early…
- What I do care about is that I am rested, and I am able to fully function at my job and at home…and I am much more pleasant for it!
- TALK
- Call your best friend.
- Call your mom friends.
- Join Mom groups on Facebook (Find one that isn’t too judge-y)
- Talk, Talk, Talk: Because You are not alone…You are one of many mom warriors. Sometimes the advice or just the support helps more than you could ever imagine.
And remember, it is okay to lose your S*&#! every once in awhile. Parent life is hard.
Life of A Mama: Unfiltered 